In the 2 days since, I wake up each morning and within a few minutes I feel the familiar emptiness in my stomach as I realize I have to face another day with Amber gone. This morning at Yoga I realized that the deep sadness I felt is part of the same pool of sadness that I have inside me from the other saddest events in my life. The death of my mother, of my brother, my father, my first dog, and the loss of my marriage. The sadness feels the same. The empty belly, the memories that fill me that maybe should make me smile but instead remind I will never see that happen again. This morning it was the memory of the particular way she snuggled up to her daddy as he lay on the floor and put her paw on his leg. It was a routine they had. She would look at me as if to say, "I have claimed him, he's mine, I had him first." And, it was true since she had been with him 12 years and I had only been with both of them 3. And I loved her for it. And she grew to love me too. Part beagle, part border collie, part retriever, all heart -- she was a soulful being who left an indelible mark on my heart.
|Amber and Raven ready to pounce on Ani for having too much fun|
|Strolling on Smathers Beach|
|Peaking over daddy's legs|
|Loved to swim|
|Amber ready to start fishing|
|Raven slobbering on Amber|
|Amber inspecting the Sand for possible treats|